


It'll Be Okay

by BitterEndXII



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drinking, Drug Use, Established Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-16 02:06:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5809345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterEndXII/pseuds/BitterEndXII
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard slips into his old ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It'll Be Okay

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this…” Gerard’s voice was breathy, he sounded like he was going to fall asleep. The phone hung loosely in his fingers as he struggled to keep his eyes open. 

He was sat on the beach, a short walk from the flat that he and Frank had shared for the past three years. There were large rocks spread about the place, one of which he had perched himself on two hours earlier. He and Frank and gone out for dinner, the normal fair and a pleasant evening. 

At the restaurant however, Gerard had allowed himself one drink, which Frank had warned him against. But it turned into several and Gerard picked up more on the way home. By the time they arrived back at their small flat, all hell broke loose. 

Frank just couldn’t stop crying, he begged Gerard to hand over the bottle, he pulled at him and they had ended up in a tussle which resulted in a plate being smashed near Gerard’s head. Gerard stormed out and went to his spot. He liked to sit there and feel the calming air blow over him, it gave him time to collect his thoughts in solidarity. 

He brought a cigarette to his lips and drew in, tears silently falling down his face. “Gerard? Gerard where are you?” Frank started to panic. He’d been wandering around town for the last half an hour, doing all he could get hold of his boyfriend but with no luck, having no idea about his sacred place on the beach. Gerard didn’t reply. 

“Gerard!” Frank was still crying, he looked a state, stumbling around in the dark with no rhyme or reason, he must have walked past the same shop ten times. But he didn’t care. Something felt worse about this time. This had happened more times than Frank wanted to admit, but he’d never been this secretive, he’d never run away. It normally resulted in them crying in each other’s arms with the odd “sorry” and “I know” thrown in until they eventually fell asleep. 

“Gerard, where are you!?” He repeated himself, he was practically yelling down the phone. “I can’t… It’s too hard Frank, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” Gerard was rambling, he cried out loudly. He wasn’t going to kill himself tonight, in a small way he knew it, but he was so damn tired, he knew that his mental state was reducing critically. It didn’t matter how much Frank loved him at that point, and this scared Gerard, he’d never felt this way before. 

“Where the fuck are you!?” Frank hollered. Gerard couldn’t bare the pain in Frank’s voice anymore. “I’m… I’m on the beach, near t-the uh, pier…” he was so drunk. So, so drunk – he could barely keep his head up whilst he spoke. Frank darted sharply left, knowing exactly where Gerard meant; they sat there when they used to go to the beach together in the summer. 

He found Gerard there, nearly flaking out, the phone having been dropped on the sand beside him. “Gerard!” Frank almost pounced on him, sitting beside him in a heap with his arms drawn around Gerard's shoulders. “Gee… it’s okay, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I lost my temper” His tears started again. 

Gerard looked over at him, his head rolling into the crook of Frank’s neck. “I’m s-sorry… I need it Frank, I really, really ne’ it…” he trailed off and his head drooped lower. “I know baby… We’ll deal with it, okay? We’ll deal with it in the morning, let’s just go home” his voice shook and he took Gerard’s hand, which had long since lost its cigarette to the gentle breeze. 

“I… I don’t wanna hurt you anymore, just want the shit to stop…” Gerard sat up slightly, his hands were shaking. “I just wanna stop it all…” he paused for a moment, fumbling with Frank fingers in his. “Would you c-care? If I… If I just did it, if I just, stopped it?” He looked at Frank, who frowned back. “What do you mean baby? If you stopped drinking?” Gerard let go of the other’s hand, turning away slightly. 

“No. If I… If I just… ended it? Me… I mean, I…” Frank shot up before he could finish, eyes frantic, on the brink of tears once more. “Don’t you ever speak like that! Ever! Don’t talk shit, Gerard!” He grabbed Gerard’s shoulders and attempted to hoist him up, but only succeeded in getting him to look forward. 

“What the fuck are you talking about, Gerard?!” Gerard finally looked into Frank’s eyes. “I’m so tired Frank…” he put his head in his lap and sobbed, like nothing Frank had ever seen before. It broke Frank’s heart, he knelt back down and took the boy in his arms, who clung back for dear life. 

“It’ll be okay, Gee, I swear, I swear…” he drew a long inhale and the pair sat still for a long time; Gerard always smelled of cigarettes. “I took cocaine. It the bar. I took cocaine” Gerard sat up and took Frank’s line of sight again. His voice was weak, like a child in trouble with the law, he was begging for forgiveness with his puffy eyes; but Frank had forgiven him hours ago. 

“It’s okay” was all Frank could say, petting Gerard’s cheek, moving the sticky hair from his face, which Gerard melted into. “We’ll go home, go to bed… We can talk in the morning. I am not giving up on you” the last part of Frank’s speech was stern, he held Gerard’s gaze with a level of seriousness that Gerard couldn’t recall. 

Gerard nodded and attempted to stand, wobbling up onto his feet whilst Frank wrapped an arm around his waist. “I don’t wanna die… but I can’t, don’t wanna do this anymore…” Gerard wiped his nose on his sleeve and looked over at Frank, who until that point had been looking at the ground, trying to hide his tears from the weakened other. “It’ll be okay” he couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

**Author's Note:**

> A bit of a downer, I know. What can I say? Felt like writing something super bleak. ~Hope you guys enjoy it, feedback muchly appreciated! <3


End file.
